A few days ago, after over two months of searching, RCMP finally located the remains of Hilary Bonnell, age 16. This beautiful young lady had her life snuffed out by a mean, unfeeling person who is now in custody. She never got to attend school with her friends this year and her parents and family will face a most difficult holiday season without her. She touched the hearts of many, so many who did not know her as well as those in her community.
Her mother searched relentlessly, often staying up and on the search well into the wee hours of the morning. Both her mother, Pam Fillier and her step-father left their jobs in order to devote all of their energy and ressources. It was reported that Pam said she would not stop until she got answers. I can hardly imagine what it was like for her to search for her daughter, not knowing where Hilary was or if she was safe, only to learn that the body of her daughter had been found buried deep in the woods. How does a parent cope when faced with such a situation.
Pam demostrated unwaivering strength and courage throughout this ordeal. Many people congregated on social netwooking websites such as facebook where groups were set up for Hilary as well as news sites where comments were posting showing support for Hilary's family. The community, a reserve in Northern New Brunswick, like many aboriginal communities accross the nation, is tight-knit. Hopefully, the sense of community and support will offer some comfort to her family. Her mother will forever be wrought with the questions of 'what if' for the rest of her days.
I followed the story of Hilary Bonnell closely as I lost a young 16 year old woman who was very close to me just last year. I had affectionately referred to Sabrina Arsenault, as my other kid. I have never met another young lady who has touched me more. I guess somehow in following Hilary's story, I hoped for the happy outcome that Sabrina never knew. Sabrina died on June 24th, 2008 in a car accident in Moncton. She was a front seat passenger in a vehicle driven by her best friend's step-father who was under the influence of alcohol, while her best friend was seated in the rear of the Chrysler Intrepid. He took an on ramp to Highway 2 in the wrong direction and hit a car travelling from Montreal enroute to Nova Scotia. Both he and Sabrina were killed. Sabrina died on the way to the hospital. Her friend survived. Nobody in the other car died but there were some serious injuried and some of them spent many days in hospital.
Sabrina's life was wracked with turmoil from a very early age. Her mother and father separated and she and her two sisters, Samatha and Melanie, shifted from place to place. Most of the time, they lived with their mother but at one point the eldest of the three children, Samatha, went to reside with their father in British Columbia. The youngest, Melanie, a bright young girl, now 11, still resides with her mother. Sabrina went to live with her father in 2006 but things did not work out. She made the decision to go out West after many heated episodes with her mother. Like any good teenager, Sabrina could sometimes challenge her mother but was overall very respectful. She once told me that she opted for the lessor of two evils. When her father attempted to strangle her she came back to the East Coast.
It always seemed, even seen first-hand, that Sabrina was the scape-goat. Samatha being out West, that only left Melanie and Sabrina to deal with the situation of their step-father who doted on a dog painting its nails with nailpolish and her mother who was hooked on presciption medication. Sabrina often confided how fed-up she was of moving from apartment to apartment when the rent couldn't be paid or when the complaints from neighbor's proved too much and motivated the landlord to tell them to move on. In some instances, Sabrina did not get a room of her own, but was relinquished to the living room which offer very little privacy from her partying parents and neighbors who often engaged in the same behaviour. Melanie always got her own room.
After a while, Sabrina eventually joined in the festivities. Most teenagers will experiment with drugs and/or alcohol but she actually got a first-hand look at how it's done. It still baffles me how she wasn't more involved. I guess some people are born with some good sense.
Sabrina would often call me to drive her to the food bank. I went there on many occasions to see the refridgerator not working, the house in disarray, and her mother displaying the attitude that everything was Sabrina's fault. Sabrina had also confided in me that she suffered from anorexia nervosa and was hospitalized for the condition at age 14. I did not have any trouble believing her since she was such a tiny young woman. She often expressed concerns that certain people were smaller than her and would often ask, "Well, is she smaller than me?" I could certainly sympathize with the thoughts rushing through Sabrina's head while suffering fom this disease as I myself was hit by it in my mid-twenties.
I came to know Sabrina after I moved to New Brunswick from the Gaspe Peninsula in rural Quebec in 2006. I had placed an ad at a local grocery store for a babysitter. Sabrina not only came to babysit my daughter Meagan but helped her with homework projects when I had to work evenings, she also babysat my cats and looked after my house when I travelled to Quebec to visit relatives. I got so much more than a babysitter. I gained a daughter and a friend and a young woman who would touch me and stay with me forever in my heart. In the same manner as Hilary's mother Pam wonders if she could have done something differently to change the outcome of her daughter's fate, I often wonder if I could have done more to help Sabrina and I think about her every day.
Sabrina came to live with me in May of 2008. Since our first meeting in 2006, Sabrina and I always kept in touch. We have lived in the same seaside village along New Brunswick's East Coast but then I moved 40 kilometers east and Sabrina was placed in a group home. It is actually there that she celebrated her 16th birthday. That Spring, Sabrina's mother and step-father were sent to Saint John, New Brunswick. Her mother was sent to treatment for her addiction and her step-father went to serve time in jail for a drug-related offense. Her grandparents agreed to take in her little sister, Melanie, but refused to help Sabrina. She stayed amongst the vast network of friends she had developed out of necessity and survival.
She never stayed anywhere very long, probably a trait picked up from rent-running with her family. She was almost like the littlest hobo. Sabrina contacted me via facebook and asked if she could come and stay with me. I was happy to offer her a roof over her head. Afterall, I was rented a bungalow and had an extra room in the basement. She was elated when I told her she would have her very own room with a queen size bed. It was a welcome change from sleeping on friend's sofas and sharing rooms. Sabrina told me that because she was 16 she was no longer a responsabilty of the province and had to figure things out for herself. I was happy to open my home to her as other's had done when things were tense between her and her mother. She also took a lot of pride in decorating her room the way she wanted. I told she could use anything she wanted to personalize her space. Soon, the walls were covered with pictures she had drawn and a multitude of disney stickers she had found in my scrapbooking supplied. Ironically, the stickers she chose represented a young girl forced to grow up far too soon who longed for protection and love. A lot of the drawings and stickers still adorn the walls of that room.
What struck me the most was when I picked her up, she arrived at my car with a winter jacket and a plastic bag of clothing including a stick of deoderant. That is all she owned. I was a little taken back with the lack of personal possessions but I hoped to change that in the coming weeks. I was by no means well off. My partner at the time and I were living paycheque to paycheque but making do.
From the moment Sabrina arrived she was nothing but respectful and I guess perhaps a little hungry since she almost ate me out of house and home the first week dining on smoothies made from milk and fresh fruit. I wasn't complaining. It was nice to see her at ease enough to eat and at least eat healthy. That is a memory that makes me smile. Remembering how the blender seemed to be going non-stop and the fact that everyday when I got home from work, the blender was waiting to be washed~typical teenager.
It was too late in the school year for her to go back to school so we were working on getting at least a summer job. I came to find out that when Sabrina came to live with me she was pregnant. I am not totally surprised although because of her petite stature she certainly did not show. Never having had guidance or a proper example to live by she probably felt this was a viable solution.
She touched the lives of so many people with her kindness and endearing personality. Her mother was devastated at the funeral but many of us who had helped Sabrina along her short journey on Earth were angry. Angry because had her mother acted as she should have, Sabrina never would have been where she was when she was and angry because after so many years, social services turned a blind eye and applied another bandaid that did nothing more than cover up a wound, not heal it. And now, after following the sad story and tragic ending to Hilary Bonnell's life, I wonder, what if Pam Filier or someone like her would have been Sabrina's mother. Someone who would have never let her go, someone who would have been there for her.
Sabrina walked into the lives of more people than anyone realized and had such an impact in such a short time just the same as Hilary did. I wonder what wonderful things these two young ladies could have accomplished had they been permitted to stay with us longer. I only hope they find each other in heaven.
To read the story of Sabrina's accident, click on the links below
